The impromptu 1/2 Marathon...a little more about me

I drive my husband a little NUTS. He is the most kind, loving, gentle, supportive human being I know. He is also a rule follower. If there is a certain way that something should be done i.e. training for a race then he will do it. I however am a free spirited renegaded. BAHAHAHAHA! The other day was a prime example. I started out to just run my usual 5k. I was feeling great, the weather was nice so I thought "I'll just keep going and go down to the light." (that's about 6 miles one way)  As I continued on I just wanted to keep going, soooo I did. The mileage racked up and then I remembered my other virtual medal I had not yet earned. So, now I was determined and.....I kept going. I FULLY recognize that if I was a little more like my husband blended with my own personality and style I just might mutate into a super hero or at least get a little further in my goals. ;)

My runs are full of thoughts about everything. My runs are times to pray. My prayers cover everything the Holy Spirit brings to mind and those I have committed to pray for. During the 1/2 marathon I ran my prayers were on my little buddy, Kylan, my friend LeeAnn's grand-daughter and, my sister KK who was on a mission trip in Cuba.

I have been through a lot these past 2 years and the past few months I have really wrestled with the question "why do you run?" The answer became perfectly clear during my impromptu 1/2 marathon. I like it. Easy enough. I don't need to be the fastest. I don't even need to run entire distances. I find no shame in the run/walk method. Running WITH people gets a little tricky for me. Mostly because my runs are my "quiet time". G-d and I have a good time together. We converse, I ask, He talks, I listen.

Now, I want to be gut level real and honest with you. If this makes you uncomfortable then I recommend ending your read now. ;)

My youth was filled with mental, emotional, physical, sexual misuse and abuse. The past is what the past is. It can not be changed. I can wallow in it, be angry about it, continue to allow it to direct my life, hang on to it or I can ask G-d to heal me and make something beautiful of it all. I share this now only because it is the foundation of my story.

I'm sure you have heard the saying..."Hurt People, hurt people." Yeah, it's true. I was that person. If I have wronged or hurt you in any way over the course of my life I sincerely apologize, ask that you forgive me and pray that G-d heals the wound.

I am who I am, better yet...I am who G-d has made me to be. <3
If you follow my Facebook page at all you have seen a few before and after photos. I realize not everyone walks the same path, everyone has different opinions, everyone has there own issues, everyone has there own theology, everyone has there own walk to walk.

I was introduced to and fell in love with Jesus when I was 2. Yeah, yeah...I can hear the opinions of "You have to know the date!" Why? The only reason anyone knows their birthday isn't because they remember. They do not remember their mother's womb or exiting the birth canal. They know the date of their birth because someone told them. Any genealogist will tell you there have been plenty of humans throughout time that had no idea what the date of their birth was, yet they still lived.

I have seen miracles over my lifetime. My two favorite people in my early life were my grandmother and a missionary named Hap. At the end of the day I was BROKEN and I did not fit. I believed in G-d. I believed in His love. I believed (and still do!) in His death and Resurrection. It didn't change the fact that I was broken and did not fit. I did not find comfort, healing, restoration, love or community in the church. No matter how much I tried. I march to the beat of my own drum. Now, I had small pockets of relationship here and there, which is ultimately how I met my husband. My faith has always been strong. I once heard my husband share with a few folks his impression of me when we knew each other in our 20s...he thought of me as G-d's girlfriend. All I can do with that is just smile. <3

I did what I "thought" I was supposed to do. I even went to Christian College. As time went on I grew weary of theology, rhetoric and platitudes. I still find them exhausting. I left the church and chose to pursue work. Surely that must be where I would find my fit. I left all that I once believed not my love of G-d just the stuff that is so often attached. I became a prodigal daughter. I didn't fit in a secular world either. So, in time I began to return but this time my faith, my belief, and my love was a little different. G-d began giving me people who sincerely LOVED and demonstrated their love for me. Then I re-connected with Dan and after a whirlwind courtship we married and I became a wife, a step mom, and a pastor's wife. Now that journey has been CRAZY all on it's own but it's another story for another time. ;) During these past two years I have been learning what these roles mean both to me and my family. Oh, and a monkey wrench we didn't know was coming was thrown into the mix....my immune system turned on itself and I was given a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.

There is soooo much more to my story, as there is with yours, but right now I really want to go to the pool so I'm going to wrap it up. ;)

G-d has been healing me from the inside out! How? For me it has been through becoming a Beach Body coach. (I figure if He can use a donkey to speak then using an amazing company is perfectly within His right.) THIS is why I share before and after photos. G-d has been healing me in ways I NEVER could have seen coming. He has FILLED my life with family, love and healing. He has BLESSED me! Do I love Him? ABSOLUTELY! If my photos offend, I apologize as that is NOT my intent. I once was blind and now I see. He has helped me find balance. He has helped me find health. He has given me kindred spirits. He has LOVED me!

We all walk our Christian walks in different ways. Once upon a time I was a Christian t-shirt wearing, Bible thumping, scripture quoting radical. These days I just don't feel the need. I'm more along the lines of Ps 19:1 - Heavens proclaim and skies display.... in and of themselves they do nothing and are nothing without Him. In and of myself I am NOTHING without Him. My life can reflect Him however and in whatever manner He chooses.

Until next time...


Psalm 19:1
For the choir director: A psalm of David. The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship.

A review of The Ultimate Reset

The Ultimate Reset a 21 Day Journey of Reclaiming, Renewing, Restoring

The Ultimate Reset was not easy; most things that are worth the effort are rarely easy. Reset is not for the faint of heart. The food is not always great (in my opinion). I discovered I do not care for Tempeh, it is easy to make a cup of miso soup, I LOVE baked root vegetables and oatmeal doesn't have to be drowned in butter and brown sugar to taste good.

 A few of my favorite quotes:

Husband: (while shopping for supplies) "I think what you need is over here because it looks gross."

Daughter: (while looking at the grains and nuts) "Why do you have millet? Isn't that bird food?"

My weight loss during Reset wasn't drastic. I lost 9lbs. While it is nothing to write home about it is part of my success and is worthy of celebration.

The real celebration for me though in this journey is how much G-d has been healing me from the inside out. I feel like I have met ME for the first time. I have found a quiet strength and courage I did not have before. I have let go of anger and bitterness and opted for peace, joy, love, and renewal.

I stepped out of the daily grind, with the support of my husband, to just "be" not "to do" but to
just to "be."
I don't recognize the woman I once was but I love the woman I am becoming!

Vanity of vanities....

My hair started falling out. My nails had become eggshelled (where they grow wavy). I was starting to freak out! No, more like FRRREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAKKKKKK OUT!!!

I had a friend who recently had experienced some thyroid issues. Nails and hair can be indicators of thyroid issues. Surely this had to be what was wrong with me too. I mentioned it to the doctor who asked if there was baldness in my family. Yes, there is. The doctor said she would check the thyroid but it was probably just male pattern baldness. WHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTT!?!?!?!?!

You have got to be kidding me!

The Problems:
1) I had picked up a fear that was not my own.
2) I took the doctor at her word. So much so I had started looking into wigs!

During The Ultimate Reset I went to see my hair artist, Suki. We had a conversation she simply said...it's probably nutrition.

Huh!?! *puzzled look on my face* Then I started to think.

The biggest beauty of Reset was really looking into ME. What do I do and why? I realized I wasn't getting enough nutrition. That changed during Reset. I improved my nutrition, become mindful of following Suki's recommendations and LOOK I have NEW hair growing!


Moral of the story...

1) Don't pick up a fear, experience, or concern that doesn't really belong to you.
2) Don't just take someone's word at face value. Dig a little deeper. The doctor may have gone to school for medicine but she isn't the one who has to live with my hair. I am responsible for my body. 

A Devotion Worth Sharing

Some days there are just things that stand out, give you hope, encouragement and peace. Those moments are precious gifts from G-d Himself. Whether it is Him playing DJ to and from a scary doctors appointment or timing the perfect devotion to bring you hope. In all these Things He is to be greatly praised.


This was my devotion this morning from YouVersion's plan "Oswald Chambers: Hope- A Holy Promise"


If a man will commit his “yesterday” to God, make it irrevocable, and bank in confidence on what Jesus Christ has done, his mouth will be filled with laughter, and his tongue with singing. Very few of us get there because we do not believe Jesus Christ means what He says. Can Jesus Christ re-make me, with my meanness and my criminality; re-make my mind and my dreams? Jesus said, “With God all things are possible.” The reason God cannot do it for us is because of our unbelief; it is not that God won’t do it if we do not believe, but that our commitment to Him is part of the essential relationship.

The accuser of the brethren says to God, “That man is a broken reed, don’t build any hope on him whatever, he is a hindrance and an upset to You; break him.” But no, the Lord will bind up the broken reed and make it into a wonderful instrument and discourse sweet music through it.

Reflection Question: What am I missing because I refuse to believe in the hope God has for me?

Quotations taken from The Place of Help and Notes on Isaiah, © Discovery House Publishers

I am glad He is binding up this broken reed. <3

SO. MUCH. FOOD!

This is Day 6 of The Ultimate Reset. I wanted to get through the first week (or almost) before I really began to share my experience.

The first few days I had a dull headache. I believe it wasn't as viscous as it could have been because I had switched to decaf coffee. Preparation is KEY for this challenge! The thing I have truly missed the most, Shakeology. 15 more days!

I have begun to have more energy through the day but by days end I am ready to SLEEP!

A key personal realization...I don't like preparing food for just me. I don't like preparing anything that I perceive as high maintenance. I have also realized that for the most part I don't like eggs and I'm not a huge fan of Chicken. I did NOT see that coming!

This personal challenge has been a HUGE eye opener for me of the desperate need to FEED myself!

Until next week!

"Shani, what is this Challenge Group you speak of?"

Before I dive to deep into what is a Challenge Group? I'd like to share a little about my story and how I became a Beach Body Coach. It all started in the summer of '71...HAHA I kid! ;)

Really...I am an infomercial junkie! I LOVE them! I don't know why, I just do. I learned later in life that my Grandmother loved them too. I have made a few purchases over the years. Seriously, it's like an addiction. A couple of those purchases are part of this story: P90X and Hip Hop Abs. I don't even remember when I bought them. I just know I've had them so long they had a THICK layer of dust on the covers.

I am also a multi-level marketing junkie! I don't know what it is but I love them. I have tried a number of them! You name it: Tupperware, Premier Jewelry, Creative Memories, Miche, and yes, the dreaded Amway/QuickStar.

During August I was looking for a new shake. As someone who fights MS I wanted something to get much needed nutrition without having to juice. I hate having to clean the mess that comes with juicing! I also know that if I have to doctor the shake of the week just so it is palatable there is NO WAY I'm going to be consistent.

Over the past 9 months or so I had been watching a young woman I have known for a VERY LONG time. She had become a Beach Body Coach and I was intrigued!

I started to inquire about her challenge groups, Shakeology was a requirement. Like most folks we have been pinching pennies here at Prine Manor and spending the money on Shakeology just didn't seem like something I could do at the time. Something in me kept drawing me back to Beach Body. It could have been my obsession with MLMs or I prefer to think it was G-d. He just had a better plan. Finally I decided to try the the Sampler pack. It couldn't hurt. I could find what I liked, test them all, and if they weren't a winner it was no real loss.

I shared my adventure on FB. The shakes were kid tested and mom approved! That is how my Shakeology habit began! Oh, wait that wasn't the question was it? ;)

My Coach is pretty awesome. She invited me to a no pressure week long, virtual look, into Beach Body as a business. I of course was HOOKED 2 minutes in. My husband (the more practical of the two of us) took a little longer. In the end it came down to coach discount. Really, how could I say no to the CHEAPEST start up fee I have EVER seen AND they were going to give me a discount on my Shakeology (and other products too) on top of that! It wasn't long though and I wanted to do EVERYTHING and in moments where I think I have lost my mind something awesome always happens. The very first thing was a random Shakeology sampler purchase. I made a commission of $6.73. You would have thought I'd made a $1,000! I was encouraged enough to keep going. I made my goals for September and I'm no longer a coach in for the discount I WANT to build my business! I WANT to help people succeed at their goals! How do I do that? I talk with you about your goals, I offer business opportunity, and I offer challenge groups. Ah, FINALLY What is a Challenge Group!?!

Challenge Groups are an opportunity for you to join in with a like minded community to have support and encouragement as you conquer the challenge! (examples: P90, 21 Day fix, PiYo) I want to be your coach! I want to help keep your copies of great work outs from gathering dust like mine did. Christmas is coming and New Years too! These are perfect times to search for gifts and gear up for resolutions. I will have NEW challenge groups starting soon! Let me know how I can help YOU!

What about cupcakes?

A few years ago I fell in love with baking cupcakes. I really wanted to open a bakery or at least I thought I did. I had continued to toy with the idea, I have taken cake decorating, I have made a few cakes and I really enjoy it! Then comes the but what are you doing about it?

Well, I am learning the difference between a hobby and a real dream. I have dabbled in a number of things over the years and most have left me with "Oh that's just Shani." "Shani doesn't really finish things." "Shani doesn't really stick with things." "Shani..." fill in the blank. It's kinda crazy what that does to someone's self view. I have begun to realize most everything I have dabbled in has led me to this moment in time. All have pointed out what was actually very important to me. Now I am beginning to dream again and beginning to embrace the beautiful creation G-d made me to be... but I digress. What about the cupcakes!?! :)

Well, in starting to really fight MS I have had to pause and really look at what I consume. There are things both digested and external that create an inflammatory response within your immune system. This in turn creates mass havoc in my life when not managed. Regularly baking cakes exposes me to one of the biggest villains, SUGAR. I will continue to bake for people but the business idea has been released.

Now, I am doing something I love through a company I respect. It has changed my life, it focuses on my health, has pushed me to dream again and is in turn encouraging me to help others achieve the same. I am not a trainer. I am not a nutritionist. I am not an athlete. I am a coach. I was groomed at Suncoast under the motto of "People Helping People" and that journey continues with my Beach Body business. I am so excited to help people achieve their health & fitness goals!

Until the next post...

ROCK YOUR GOALS! You are WORTH IT!

That was then, this is now.

I have a million thoughts running through my mind. Things to catch up on, things to do in the house, decisions to be made, what to make for dinner, which drugs should I take if any, is the laundry done? To be honest, I just want to withdrawal into my shell like a tortoise and hide from life.

But, that really isn't how life works so...I'm doing what I can.
One step at a time, one foot in front of the other.
BAHAHAHAHAHA - remember in the last post I mentioned G-d using the radio to speak to me?  I have Steven Curtis Chapman playing and as I am writing the previous line about one step at a time the song "Take Another Step" came on. I have to smile. Seriously, I can't make this stuff up! It does make me pause, remember that G-d wrote me a fairy tale, take a deep breath and realize...
He hasn't finished writing.

Now for the original post. :)
The photos below show two DRASTICALLY different women.
The one on the left was alone. She felt unworthy. She was broken more than she even knew. She didn't know who she was. She did not believe she was capable. She felt worthless.

The one on the right...oh what a difference!
No longer alone. Covered in love. Learning where she got stuck. Identifying what is important to her and pursuing goals. DREAMING for the first time in a really LOOOOONG time!

G-d has used NUMEROUS things to bring me healing. The one that has been a drastic catalyst for change and the one that has helped change me from the inside out...becoming a Beach Body Coach!  I NEVER would have thought in a million years that it would have the impact that it has had.

I am dreaming!
I know who I am!
I know what I like and why!
I am confident!

I AM CAPABLE!

Beach Body isn't for everyone but I would be remiss if I didn't extend to you an opportunity, an invitation to take a sneak peak look into the thing that has made such a huge impact in my life.

No pressure! When I first was looking into the opportunity I tip toed around. It was 9 months before I even asked my coach if I could join the sneak peek but with a solid "don't expect anything from me." HAHA NOW look at me! I love the products, I love the program AND I love the business!
 Beyond even that I LOVE the woman I am becoming!

The sneak peek group begins next Monday comment with "interested" below or on FB. A private message is good too. :)
The group is is a free, no-pressure, no-obligation experience.

(Wearing the clothes I wore in my original race in both photos.)

The Villain in My Brain or When G-d plays DJ - Update

Short version: The diagnosis of MS has been confirmed.

The original spot (or scar) has actually healed but new spots have popped up everywhere. The Dr. wants me to start disease modification drugs. 

I have such a difficult time with physicians. On one hand they don't really know anything about the disease but on the other they are convinced that if you don't do the drugs that in 20 years you will be in a wheel chair. *sigh*

I don't know what happens from here. 

I DO know that G-d seemed to go out of His way to comfort my soul. Right down to playing DJ.
I kid you not EVERY SINGLE SONG had at least one line that felt as if G-d was speaking very loudly and very clearly. You know how Bumble Bee uses the radio to communicate in the Transformer movies? Yea, it kinda felt like that. :)

The Villain in My Brain

Today is the day. Today is the follow up appointment with the neurologist.

What is MS?

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a nervous system disease that affects your brain and spinal cord. It damages the Myelin sheath, the material that surrounds and protects your nerve cells.     (I think of it as the plastic coating on power cords) This damage slows down or blocks messages between your brain and your body, leading to the symptoms of MS. (Think of it as two exposed wires touching.)

Symptoms can include but are not limited to:

• Visual disturbances
• Muscle weakness
• Trouble with coordination and balance
• Sensations such as numbness, prickling, or "pins and needles"
• Thinking and memory problems

No one knows what causes MS. It may be an autoimmune disease, which happens when your immune system attacks healthy cells in your body by mistake. Multiple sclerosis affects women more than men. It often begins between the ages of 20 and 40. Usually, the disease is mild, but some people lose the ability to write, speak, or walk.

There is no single test for MS. Doctors use a medical history, physical exam, neurological exam, MRI, and other tests to diagnose it. There is no cure for MS, but medicines may slow it down and help control symptoms. Physical and occupational therapy may also help.

We leave soon to see the Dr. I feel like there is a game of Russian Roulette happening in my brain. What I know for certain is THIS if I'm good at the Doctor's office and don't bite anyone I get a PSL! I think right now that might be what matters to me the most.

MRIs

From the time I was a little girl there were only three things I wanted to be: a missionary, a wife and a mom. In my twenties I did some missionary work and I completed the last two when I married the love of my life in August 2012. G-d wrote me a Divine fairy tale but that is a story for another time. This story is about a villain lurking in my own brain.

The week after I returned from my honeymoon I drove back and forth to Tampa (3hrs round trip w/o traffic jams) for work. It was a CRAZY stressful week. My first day back in the office I hadn't been there 20 minutes and I was in the bathroom in tears but that is a different villain, different story.

By weeks end my eyes hurt. They were tired and ached like eyes do when you have been in the pool too long. By Sunday my left eye had moved and I could look at you and see the opposite side of the room at the same time. The Dr.s called it double vision.

Long story short steroids were prescribed, MRIs ordered and the final diagnosis handed to me was MS - Multiple Sclerosis. 

I have fought everything and everyone (myself too) about this for the past two years. 

I know everyone faces challenges. I do not negate those nor do I think mine are better, worse, or more challenging than anyone else's. They are just mine.

Top 20 Life-Stressors

Death of a family member

Terminal illness (one’s own or a family member)

Physical incapacitation, chronic pain, or chronic illness

Drug or alcohol abuse (self)

Drug or alcohol abuse (family member, partner)

Divorce

Marriage

Loss of job or job change

Moving house

Change of school (primarily for children or teens, but this can effect adults, too)

Primary relationship problems (spouse or parent/child/sibling)

Persistent Relationship Problems, non-primary (difficulties with other family members, conflict and loss of friends, difficulties with coworkers)

Academic problems (poor grades, inability to retain information, problems with teachers, unable to meet deadlines)

Occupational problems (lateness, absences, problems with boss or coworkers)

Victim of abuse

Victim of crime

Criminal actions towards others

Abusive actions towards self or others

Extreme loneliness/lack of community membership or friendships

Severe financial problems (including tax problems!)

I have highlighted the life stressors that I have faced (either a brand new experience or a ghost from my past that chose to haunt me) in the past 2 1/2-3 years. Some have been more relentless than others.

I have not handled all well, perfectly, or graciously. I am tired.

I finally gave in and found a new primary care physician. I liked her. She referred me to a new neurologist. I liked her too. I had a second set of MRIs taken. This coming Tuesday Dan and I will go for the appointment to find out what is going on. I never really should have been given such a hard straight up "YOU HAVE" diagnosis. There wasn't anything to compare. Now we have something to compare. I am tired. I am scared. My faith is being challenged. All I can do is pray...L-rd help! It's all I've got right now.

There is a little boy, Kylan, that I run for, he fights Spina Bifida. He had surgery when he was one day old. I can't imagine. I can't imagine the feelings/emotions his parents had to face. I do know this...in moments when the pile of poo is getting to me I stop and think of my buddy Kylan dancing to Elmo and it just makes me smile!

Running

So, I finally conquered the back to school bug and the knee is feeling better. I got out and went for a run last night. Here is a little bit about me and why I run.

My first race ever! RunDisney Tangled Family 5k Feb/2012

My first 1/2 Marathon Feb/2013

Summer/Fall 2011
I was hanging out with a guy (henceforth known as "The Toad"). Things were going well or so they seemed. I had not been out of my dark ages (the time I spent away from the L-rd and all things having to do with Him.) very long. In my pondering I thought "I should return to the last time I was truly "happy" for me (at the time) that was missionary work. I mentioned this in conversation with The Toad and the puppy dog face I got in return was pitiful. So, I tapped the breaks. (Total chick move on my part and this is one time it wasn't stupid.)

Fast forward a few months and the internal realization (there was never a real moment of honesty from the parties involved) that The Toad had started a relationship with one of my friends stabbed me in the heart. I remember crashing to the floor, raising my hands and saying L-rd it's Yours. Help me trust You!

The pain was still there, the feelings were still there. The gut wrenching stress of it all was still there. I did the only thing I knew - I put on my sneakers and ran! I ran more and more. Then I started to enjoy it. I decided a 5k would keep me inspired. I signed up for RunDisney's Tangled Family 5k (Feb 2012), started dating my husband that weekend and the rest is history. ;)

Then health issues attacked (Aug 2012) and a Nuerologist's PA told me that I shouldn't run. Well, all that did was make me say "yeah, watch me!" then I conquered my first 1/2 Marathon at the next Princess weekend in February 2013. (The 5k and the 1/2 are my favorite distances.)

Why do I run now?
As of late with all the healing G-d is doing in me I'm getting away from running. I started running because I was hurt and angry. I am not that woman anymore.

I once held lofty goals for myself, ridiculous even, regarding running. Now I run for my buddy Kylan (he fights Spina Bifida) and as a means to process life and pray for others.

I still have a few running goals but the drive just isn't the same.

I think for now I'll just let Shaun T teach me to be "fly".

9/11

9/11 stirs a million memories for every American. We can remember exactly where we were, the shock and confusion we felt. The horror of it all.

Beyond the national memories we each have personal memories. Things we were going through as individuals at the time. I think one of my personal memories just might be one of the most ridiculous experiences of my life. The man I had been dating (we weren't even together at the time of 9/11) chose to propose to me via e-mail. Yes, e-mail. Here at Prine Manor we refer to him as "the place holder."  After all I dated him for WAY TO LONG and it kept other "toads" away while G-d held me in reserve for Dan.

All I know is I was a BROKEN, ANGRY mess. I am GRATEFUL that G-d does in fact work all things together for my good. He gave me a King and has been healing me from the inside out.