MRIs

From the time I was a little girl there were only three things I wanted to be: a missionary, a wife and a mom. In my twenties I did some missionary work and I completed the last two when I married the love of my life in August 2012. G-d wrote me a Divine fairy tale but that is a story for another time. This story is about a villain lurking in my own brain.

The week after I returned from my honeymoon I drove back and forth to Tampa (3hrs round trip w/o traffic jams) for work. It was a CRAZY stressful week. My first day back in the office I hadn't been there 20 minutes and I was in the bathroom in tears but that is a different villain, different story.

By weeks end my eyes hurt. They were tired and ached like eyes do when you have been in the pool too long. By Sunday my left eye had moved and I could look at you and see the opposite side of the room at the same time. The Dr.s called it double vision.

Long story short steroids were prescribed, MRIs ordered and the final diagnosis handed to me was MS - Multiple Sclerosis. 

I have fought everything and everyone (myself too) about this for the past two years. 

I know everyone faces challenges. I do not negate those nor do I think mine are better, worse, or more challenging than anyone else's. They are just mine.

Top 20 Life-Stressors

Death of a family member

Terminal illness (one’s own or a family member)

Physical incapacitation, chronic pain, or chronic illness

Drug or alcohol abuse (self)

Drug or alcohol abuse (family member, partner)

Divorce

Marriage

Loss of job or job change

Moving house

Change of school (primarily for children or teens, but this can effect adults, too)

Primary relationship problems (spouse or parent/child/sibling)

Persistent Relationship Problems, non-primary (difficulties with other family members, conflict and loss of friends, difficulties with coworkers)

Academic problems (poor grades, inability to retain information, problems with teachers, unable to meet deadlines)

Occupational problems (lateness, absences, problems with boss or coworkers)

Victim of abuse

Victim of crime

Criminal actions towards others

Abusive actions towards self or others

Extreme loneliness/lack of community membership or friendships

Severe financial problems (including tax problems!)

I have highlighted the life stressors that I have faced (either a brand new experience or a ghost from my past that chose to haunt me) in the past 2 1/2-3 years. Some have been more relentless than others.

I have not handled all well, perfectly, or graciously. I am tired.

I finally gave in and found a new primary care physician. I liked her. She referred me to a new neurologist. I liked her too. I had a second set of MRIs taken. This coming Tuesday Dan and I will go for the appointment to find out what is going on. I never really should have been given such a hard straight up "YOU HAVE" diagnosis. There wasn't anything to compare. Now we have something to compare. I am tired. I am scared. My faith is being challenged. All I can do is pray...L-rd help! It's all I've got right now.

There is a little boy, Kylan, that I run for, he fights Spina Bifida. He had surgery when he was one day old. I can't imagine. I can't imagine the feelings/emotions his parents had to face. I do know this...in moments when the pile of poo is getting to me I stop and think of my buddy Kylan dancing to Elmo and it just makes me smile!