I drive my husband a little NUTS. He is the most kind, loving, gentle, supportive human being I know. He is also a rule follower. If there is a certain way that something should be done i.e. training for a race then he will do it. I however am a free spirited renegaded. BAHAHAHAHA! The other day was a prime example. I started out to just run my usual 5k. I was feeling great, the weather was nice so I thought "I'll just keep going and go down to the light." (that's about 6 miles one way) As I continued on I just wanted to keep going, soooo I did. The mileage racked up and then I remembered my other virtual medal I had not yet earned. So, now I was determined and.....I kept going. I FULLY recognize that if I was a little more like my husband blended with my own personality and style I just might mutate into a super hero or at least get a little further in my goals. ;)
My runs are full of thoughts about everything. My runs are times to pray. My prayers cover everything the Holy Spirit brings to mind and those I have committed to pray for. During the 1/2 marathon I ran my prayers were on my little buddy, Kylan, my friend LeeAnn's grand-daughter and, my sister KK who was on a mission trip in Cuba.
I have been through a lot these past 2 years and the past few months I have really wrestled with the question "why do you run?" The answer became perfectly clear during my impromptu 1/2 marathon. I like it. Easy enough. I don't need to be the fastest. I don't even need to run entire distances. I find no shame in the run/walk method. Running WITH people gets a little tricky for me. Mostly because my runs are my "quiet time". G-d and I have a good time together. We converse, I ask, He talks, I listen.
Now, I want to be gut level real and honest with you. If this makes you uncomfortable then I recommend ending your read now. ;)
My youth was filled with mental, emotional, physical, sexual misuse and abuse. The past is what the past is. It can not be changed. I can wallow in it, be angry about it, continue to allow it to direct my life, hang on to it or I can ask G-d to heal me and make something beautiful of it all. I share this now only because it is the foundation of my story.
I'm sure you have heard the saying..."Hurt People, hurt people." Yeah, it's true. I was that person. If I have wronged or hurt you in any way over the course of my life I sincerely apologize, ask that you forgive me and pray that G-d heals the wound.
I am who I am, better yet...I am who G-d has made me to be. <3
If you follow my Facebook page at all you have seen a few before and after photos. I realize not everyone walks the same path, everyone has different opinions, everyone has there own issues, everyone has there own theology, everyone has there own walk to walk.
I was introduced to and fell in love with Jesus when I was 2. Yeah, yeah...I can hear the opinions of "You have to know the date!" Why? The only reason anyone knows their birthday isn't because they remember. They do not remember their mother's womb or exiting the birth canal. They know the date of their birth because someone told them. Any genealogist will tell you there have been plenty of humans throughout time that had no idea what the date of their birth was, yet they still lived.
I have seen miracles over my lifetime. My two favorite people in my early life were my grandmother and a missionary named Hap. At the end of the day I was BROKEN and I did not fit. I believed in G-d. I believed in His love. I believed (and still do!) in His death and Resurrection. It didn't change the fact that I was broken and did not fit. I did not find comfort, healing, restoration, love or community in the church. No matter how much I tried. I march to the beat of my own drum. Now, I had small pockets of relationship here and there, which is ultimately how I met my husband. My faith has always been strong. I once heard my husband share with a few folks his impression of me when we knew each other in our 20s...he thought of me as G-d's girlfriend. All I can do with that is just smile. <3
I did what I "thought" I was supposed to do. I even went to Christian College. As time went on I grew weary of theology, rhetoric and platitudes. I still find them exhausting. I left the church and chose to pursue work. Surely that must be where I would find my fit. I left all that I once believed not my love of G-d just the stuff that is so often attached. I became a prodigal daughter. I didn't fit in a secular world either. So, in time I began to return but this time my faith, my belief, and my love was a little different. G-d began giving me people who sincerely LOVED and demonstrated their love for me. Then I re-connected with Dan and after a whirlwind courtship we married and I became a wife, a step mom, and a pastor's wife. Now that journey has been CRAZY all on it's own but it's another story for another time. ;) During these past two years I have been learning what these roles mean both to me and my family. Oh, and a monkey wrench we didn't know was coming was thrown into the mix....my immune system turned on itself and I was given a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.
There is soooo much more to my story, as there is with yours, but right now I really want to go to the pool so I'm going to wrap it up. ;)
G-d has been healing me from the inside out! How? For me it has been through becoming a Beach Body coach. (I figure if He can use a donkey to speak then using an amazing company is perfectly within His right.) THIS is why I share before and after photos. G-d has been healing me in ways I NEVER could have seen coming. He has FILLED my life with family, love and healing. He has BLESSED me! Do I love Him? ABSOLUTELY! If my photos offend, I apologize as that is NOT my intent. I once was blind and now I see. He has helped me find balance. He has helped me find health. He has given me kindred spirits. He has LOVED me!
We all walk our Christian walks in different ways. Once upon a time I was a Christian t-shirt wearing, Bible thumping, scripture quoting radical. These days I just don't feel the need. I'm more along the lines of Ps 19:1 - Heavens proclaim and skies display.... in and of themselves they do nothing and are nothing without Him. In and of myself I am NOTHING without Him. My life can reflect Him however and in whatever manner He chooses.
Until next time...
Psalm 19:1
For the choir director: A psalm of David. The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship.
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